Am I that Awful?
by IamCharlotte88
Summary: Kotoko rethinks her past action and is now ready to give up Irie-kun. One shot (Complete) Please, please, please R&R.. Thank you
1. Chapter 1

This is my first ever Itazura na Kiss fanfic. I hope you like it. :)

After reading the manga, I guess this is the point where I will give up with Naoki. I am not as strong as Kotoko so Kudos to her! hehehe well here it is. Please please please R&R

Critism is welcome! I want to improve my writing. :)

 **Am I that awful?**

It was past midnight but I still can't sleep. I still can't believe that Irie-kun will ask Matsumoto out. In front of me, no less. It totally shatters my heart. I can almost hear it breaking as Matsumoto happily jumps up and down when Irie-kun agrees in going out with her.

Memories from the past years come flooding back in my mind. The first time I see him. The happiness I felt when I see him at the corridors and when I finally confess to him.I can't help but smile. Even though my confession has been rejected, from that day, its like fate is writing a script to have us always bumping into each other. I was insanely happy when we move in with them. I always see him, get to talk to him, eat meals with him, go on to family occasions with him.

But nothing ever goes smoothly between the 2 of us. He was always irritated whenever I'm around. Brush me off like some dirt on his sleeves. And throw my feelings back at me especially when many are watching.

I pitied myself. Loving someone who will never love me back surely hurts. It hurts so much that even my tears can't even express how sad I am that it ceased to fall.

Perhaps Matsumoto can give him what he truly hopes for. What he truly want. They are both smart, sophisticated, sporty and confident. They can both have an intelligent conversation. They look awfully good together even when playing tennis. Matsumoto is someone I can never compare to and she is the girl who effortlessly won the heart I've been trying to win over for years.

As I look at the glass of water in my hands, I see my reflection and I can see the hurt and sadness in my eyes. That is when I vow to myself to give up on Irie-kun. Not because I don't love him anymore, but because I love him enough to let him go.

If loving him cannot bring him happiness then I will gladly give him up just to see him happy.

"What are you doing here?"

I jump at the sound of Irie-kun's voice. I never expect him to be awake and wonder in the kitchen no less. I look away as fast as I look at him. It almost hurts my neck and the glass to almost toppled over.

"I.. I was just getting a glass of water" I breath.

He eyes me suspiciously and then walks to the fridge. He gets a glass and pours himself a glass of water. I Hastily drink my glass of water and walk to the sink to wash the glass.

"I guess you are planning how to sabotage my date on Sunday"

I stiffened. So this is what he is thinking. Me sabotaging his date with Matsumoto. Fallowing him like a lost puppy. So that is how low he thinks of me. No wonder why he never paid attention to me.

I try my best to ignore his comment and continue washing the glass.

I walk to where Irie-kun is standing to return the glass. I try my best not to look on his face. I know he is looking at me with scrutinizing eyes.

I am heading off to my room when he spoke again.

"No reaction? Bet you are guilty."

I stop on my track. Am I that awful? I single tear escape from my eyes. I have loved a man who just thinks of my efforts disgusting. Suddenly, I feel disgusted with myself. I realize that what he thinks of me was probably what the whole school thinks of me. I'm so ashamed of what I become because of Loving him.

With a small voice, so he wouldn't know I am crying, I say. "Don't worry Irie-kun. I won't follow you on your date" I refuse to look at him and I continue on my way.

"As if that is possible?" He says in full confidence and like he is talking to no one in particular.

I stop on my track again. I really feel low. I face him where I was standing. I saw him stiffen a little. I guess he sees the tears that I'm still unable to wipe.

"Don't worry Irie-kun. I love you enough to let you go and make you happy." I see he was shocked but he recovers fast. When I see that he was going to say something, I ran as fast as I could so no more arguments.

One thing I learned on being in love is, you can be rational and irrational at the same time and in the end, it matures you.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi Minna-san!

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone who leaves a comment, follow, criticize (in a positive way) and appreciates my work. This is so all dedicated to you!

I'm not really planning to have another chapter for this fic but I feel very happy to do so. First I know how it feels to like a fic and knows the feeling of wanted to have more of the story. You guys have motivated me and make me so happy at the same time! You guys are the best! :*

 **This story is dedicated to:**

Akusukabiru

Tatistus

Alma25

Khairunnisa

Luri22

Addict Lady

Yuuko

Sylkia17

And to all the guest that reviewed.. :)

Hope you like this one also. Don't forget to R&R.

Note: I don't own Itazura na Kiss. The story is written for entertainment purposes only.

 **Am I that awful (Naoki's POV)**

That air-head! Why is she cheering up for Sudou? Doesn't she always declare her love for me? She is supposed to be cheering for me. Not Sudou. Not anyone. But me. Only me.

I can feel the rush of blood in my veins and the frown that's crossing my face every time I remember Matsumoto shouting that Kotoko wants Sodou to win. Damn that girl! Does she really think Sudou can beat me? She should have known by now that I can easily pulverize Sudou. She even rushes to him after the match! She should have been congratulating me! Why does she have to come running to the other guy? Why Kotoko?

My head is spinning. I should be gladder that she is not after me now. That she is aiming for someone else. But the thing is, it irritates me. Somehow, I don't want her looking to someone else. I want all her attention to me. I want her to see only me. That is why I ask Matsumoto out.

As I look at her after asking Matsumoto out, I see the exact confusion I feel when she was cheering for Sodou. With the knowledge that she is hurt, I feel satisfied that I inflict the same confusion she inflicts at me. With that, I smirk at her. But now, thinking about it makes me feel stupid and trapped. Being with Matsumoto every day makes her think that I am interested in her and with that date fiasco, she will practically glue herself to my side forever.

This was all Kotoko's fault. If she is did not going after Sudou, I will definitely not ask Matsumoto for a date. And now here I am, past midnight, wide awake and thinking of any excuse to tell Matsumoto to cancel the date. My brain cannot find the perfect excuse.

Exhausted, I stand up to go to the kitchen to get me some water. And that's when I see her.

There she was, her back to me. She was standing at the counter holding a glass of water with her head hanging low. She was looking at the glass of water like it will reveal some answer. Doesn't she have a night blindness? She doesn't even bother to open the lights. Baka.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. That did catch her off guard.l because she looks at me so fast but looks away as fast when the glass she's been holding almost fall out of her hands.

"I.. I was just getting a glass of water." She says. I eyed her cooly. Of course, it's obvious that she is getting water. But definitely, she is not drinking it.

I walk to the fridge to get me some water. In the corner of my eyes, I saw her downing her water so fast. As she finishes her drink, she hastily goes for the sink to clean the glass. Is that how much she does not want to be in my presence now? Does she really like that Sudou? She would willingly go to his side but will move so fast just to get away from me? I can feel my irritation and anger bubbling up. Yeah, I'm angry. I hate the way she is avoiding me but gladly to be on Sodou's side. This is unforgivable.

"I guess you are planning how to sabotage my date on Sunday" I breath. She stiffens but continues to wash her glass totally ignoring me in the process. That baka. Why is she ignoring me? She can't do that to me.

As she finishes washing her glass then she slowly walks towards me to put the glass back in the cupboard but still refuse to look me in the eye. She was retreating when I comment again.

"No reaction? Bet you are guilty." She stops. I was very angry and it's taking over me. Since the tennis practice, she is not talking to me. Is she and Sudou together now? Is that why she is not talking to me anymore? This can't happen.

"Don't worry Irie-kun. I won't follow you on your date" she said in a small voice. So small, I almost did not hear it.

"As if that is possible?" I huffed. But the truth is I'm starting to doubt myself. With the way, she is acting right now and her being dismissive of me makes me my heart clenched painfully.

She looks at me and I stiffen. She is crying! Even in the darkness of the kitchen I saw her tears streaming down her face.

"Don't worry Irie-kun. I love you enough to let you go and make you happy." She says.

I stiffen but I feel every emotion leaves my face. My heart is racing and my brain is going a thousand mile a minute. Did I just hear her correctly? Does she love me? Still, loves me? Letting me go? What does she mean by that? No no no! That can't happen. She is supposed to stay on my side. She is not supposed to leave me. She's mine.

I saw her run and that is when my brain shuts down and my body starts to act on its own.

I run after her.

With not much effort, I catch her on the foot of the stairs. Holding her left shoulder, I spun her around to face me. She lost her balance and she starts to fall. I catch her right shoulder to steady her. She is now looking at me with wide eyes. She stops crying now but her cheeks are still damp from tears.

"You are not letting me go. You are not allowed to let me go! You love me!" I hear myself say with full seriousness. Still shocked, she only can gape at me. " You hear me?" I asked and shook her a little. She nods but still unable to talk.

I gather her in my arms where she comes willingly. Slowly, her hands crept up on my back, hugging me back with same force. I feel relieved and all the tension seems to leave my body.

"Don't go." she said then hugging me tighter and burying her face in my chest. "Don't go to the date" With that, I finally feel at ease. I still have her heart. She still loves me.

"I won't"

The End

Well, that's it. Hahaha I just hope you enjoy this one. I know it's not the best but this is how I see myself with Naoki. Hehe

Please R&R


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